10 Shocking Ways Your In-Laws Will Guilt Trip You That Will Make You Question the Entire Institution of Family



Ever notice how religious ceremonies meant to welcome an innocent child into the supposed loving arms of an invisible sky daddy inevitably devolve into a fucking psychological warfare campaign among adults? Here we have another hapless soul who thought they were making a reasonable decision about godparents, only to stumble into a minefield of bruised egos and passive-aggressive text messages. It's like watching someone try to defuse a bomb while wearing oven mitts soaked in gasoline.

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To give some background: My husband (M34) and I (F35) went no contact with my husband's parents about 8 months ago. The first 4 months we were just 'taking space,' sparked by a phone call we had with them. They opened the door on the phone call and said, 'I hope if there is anything we have done to hurt you, we can talk about it in the moment.' My husband has been extremely hurt by many of their actions, and he took the opportunity to try to express those in a calm environment. (My husband grew up in a house where he always felt he had to tiptoe around his Mom's mood and his Dad would defend that. When I married into the family, I was all but told who I should like in the family and who I shouldn't if I was going to make his mom like me.)

Anyway, he told them about some past ways he had been hurt or felt lines had been crossed. They ranged from, 'You decided not to invite us to Dad's 50th because we wouldn't tell you if we were free without knowing what was going on' (they would insist on blind time commitments a lot) as well as far worse situations growing up that I won't go into here. They didn't apologize for any of it, but rather told my husband why he was to blame for all of the situations. The conversation blew up on both sides and we decided to take space through the holidays. 4 months later we tried to meet up to reconcile (we initiated the meeting) but it went very badly and we continued on with no contact.

During those initial 4 months there were a couple of religious life events for our kids. His parents love our kids very much, but we didn't want our kids to be used to relieve tension or for their events to be tense.

Now here's where we may be in the wrong - as I said before, there is a lot of tiptoeing and making sure mom is okay in his family. His siblings are all young adults, but 2 of them still live at home and one of them lives very close to his parents, and we thought it would cause a lot of issues for them in those initial few months if we invited them to the events for our kids but not his parents. We felt even more sure of that decision after we found out his parents were ignoring any aunts or uncles who did go to them.

After the reconciliation meeting there was a court date - I told you it went bad - and we had a no contact order with his mom which extended over one of our kids' birthdays, so we didn't invite his siblings to that either. But we have a couple more birthdays for our kids coming up. My husband wanted to invite the siblings since the no contact with his parents has turned into a longer thing, but when he invited them they told him he is very rude for assuming they would want to see us after we didn't invite them to those other events/holidays, and they would only consider it if we reconcile with his parents or find common ground. We don't want a relationship with his parents without boundaries being respected. We completely understand why his siblings are hurt by not being invited to those events though. Am I (Are We) The Asshole?

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The Absurdity Autopsy

Let's dissect this festering corpse of familial dysfunction, shall we? Our protagonist, clearly traumatized by the godparent-shaped hole in their childhood, decides to proactively avoid the same fate for their spawn by appointing blood relatives instead of couples who might later separate like cells in a particularly messy mitosis. A logical choice in an illogical world – like bringing an umbrella to a tsunami.

The brother, operating under the deranged assumption that marriage means you're a package deal (like a fucking Happy Meal with a disappointing toy), immediately includes his wife in the godparent invitation. Because of course he does. And when reality crashes into his expectations like a drunk driver into a school bus, his wife takes it as a personal prediction of their inevitable divorce – as if our narrator possesses some mystical marriage-dissolving third eye rather than just garden-variety family trauma.

What we're witnessing is the human desperation to find meaning in meaningless rituals while simultaneously using those rituals as weapons of emotional manipulation. The sister-in-law isn't really upset about not being a godmother – she's terrified by the reminder that her own marriage is as fragile as a Fabergé egg in a mosh pit. She's not defending her role in a religious ceremony; she's fighting against the void that awaits us all – the inevitable dissolution of every human connection, by divorce or death or simple fucking apathy.

The truly delicious irony is that in trying to prevent their child from losing a godparent through divorce, our narrator has already destroyed the familial bonds the ceremony was meant to strengthen. The christening – designed to bring the community together in spiritual protection of the child – has instead created a radioactive wasteland of hurt feelings and awkward future Thanksgiving dinners. If God is watching this shitshow, He's either pissing Himself laughing or frantically searching for the reset button on His cosmic Xbox.

The Abyss Stares Back

In the end, what was supposed to be a "happy family moment" is now "tainted somehow" – which might be the most succinct summary of the human condition ever articulated by a confused Catholic-lite parent. Every moment of supposed joy carries within it the seeds of its own destruction. Every christening contains a funeral. Every marriage announcement contains divorce papers in invisible ink.

And yet we continue to cling to these traditions like barnacles on a sinking ship, desperately hoping that if we follow the right rituals, say the right words, choose the right godparents, we might somehow ward off the meaningless chaos that threatens to swallow us whole. It's adorable, really – like watching a toddler build a sandcastle as the tide comes in.

For Those Too Fucking Dense to Get It

Here's the deal, smooth brains: 🔥 Family tried to avoid divorce drama by picking blood relatives as godparents. 🤦‍♂️ Sister-in-law got butthurt thinking they were predicting her divorce. 😤 Now everyone's miserable at what should have been a happy Jesus party. 💩 Moral: No matter what you do, family will always find a way to make everything about them. 🤷‍♀️

But seriously...

You're Not the Asshole (NTA), but the situation is complex.

From what you've described, it seems like you and your husband have made thoughtful decisions to protect your family’s emotional well-being. However, family dynamics are often messy, and it’s understandable that his siblings feel hurt by being excluded from earlier events. Let’s break this down:

Why You’re NTA

• Protecting Your Kids: You prioritized your children’s emotional safety by not involving them in potentially tense situations. This is commendable and shows you’re putting their needs first.
• Setting Boundaries: Your husband tried to address past hurts with his parents, but their refusal to acknowledge or apologize for their behavior made reconciliation difficult. Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships.
• Considering Family Dynamics: You were mindful of how inviting the siblings without the parents might affect the siblings’ relationship with their parents. While this decision had unintended consequences, it wasn’t made out of malice.

Why His Siblings Are Hurt

• Feeling Excluded: From their perspective, they may feel punished or alienated due to the conflict between your husband and his parents.
• Loyalty to Parents: If they’re still living at home or close by, they may feel pressure to side with their parents or avoid actions that could upset them.
• Lack of Communication: They might not fully understand why they weren’t invited initially, leading to resentment.

How You Can Move Forward

1. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Reach out to his siblings and express empathy for how they feel. Let them know you understand why they’re hurt and that it wasn’t your intention to exclude them.
2. Explain Your Decisions: Without placing blame on anyone, explain why you made the choices you did (e.g., protecting your kids, avoiding tension). Transparency can help rebuild trust.
3. Extend an Invitation: Make it clear they’re welcome at future events and that you value a relationship with them independent of the conflict with your husband’s parents.
4. Respect Their Boundaries: If they choose not to attend, respect their decision while leaving the door open for future reconciliation.

This is a challenging situation, but by focusing on open communication and empathy, you can work toward repairing relationships with his siblings while maintaining healthy boundaries with his parents. Best of luck navigating this!