Ever notice how people build these elaborate fantasy castles around their relationships? They're like those poor souls on Hoarders, except instead of collecting newspapers and cat skeletons, they hoard bad decisions and call it "love." I was scrolling through this story about a girl named Anna—bright, promising future engineer with a golden ticket to the Wonka factory of higher education—and wouldn't you know it, she's ready to flush it all down the toilet because some local boy with all the ambition of a house plant threatened to stop texting her. The universe doesn't care about your relationship status, sweetheart, but it does keep score of your monumentally stupid decisions.
Please help because I feel like I am watching my sister throw her life away. I am 23F and my sister, Anna, is 18F. Anna is a senior in high school and has always been a really great student, smart, passionate, etc. She's on her school's robotics team and wants to study engineering in college, and has perfect grades in math and science. A few weeks ago, we were ecstatic when Anna announced that she got into a top engineering school. It's out of state and expensive, but she was offered a partial scholarship, and with financial aid it should be affordable. Our grandparents also offered to pitch in to cover any additional costs so that the financial burden would be taken off of Anna.
When Anna found out that she got in, she was over the moon! But recently I've noticed a change in how she talks about it, and she doesn't seem excited anymore. After she went for a tour last weekend for accepted students, she sounded miserable when I called her. A few days ago my mom told me that she overheard a conversation between Anna and her boyfriend. She has been dating this guy, Joe (19M), since she was a sophomore and he was a junior. He now goes to a local college about 20 minutes from our town. He seems like a perfectly nice guy, and smart too. But apparently, if she goes away to school, he will break up with her because he doesn't want to do long distance. Apparently, their initial plan was that she would go to the same school as him and they would live together, and then get married as soon as they graduate.
When I FaceTimed with Anna yesterday, I immediately confronted her about this. When I asked if this was why she seemed so sad about her acceptance, she initially denied it, but eventually broke down and told me that she was considering going to the local college instead. She tried to justify it by saying that it would be less money and closer to home anyway, but I told her that it would be a horrible decision to forfeit an incredible opportunity to go to a top school just for some guy, and she would regret it. She told me that she was really excited to get in, but she didn't want Joe to break up with her because she would never find anyone else. I told her that it was absolutely moronic to give up an amazing opportunity that she FULLY earned and sacrifice all the doors it could open for her just to be with a guy. She started crying more and hung up on me. Now she won't answer my texts.
I feel terrible. I know I was harsh, but it seemed like it was something she needed to hear. If she didn't like the school and genuinely wanted to stay local, I would totally support her. I love Anna so much and want the best for her, and want to support her no matter what. But I can also see that she will likely regret giving this up just to be with her boyfriend who doesn't even want to slightly compromise. From my perspective, the right person would be supportive of her accomplishments, not diminish them. I don't know. Maybe I was out of line. AITA?
EDIT: I just want to clarify that I did not intend to sound elitist in this post or that you can't still have a good career if you go to a local school (or don't even go to college at all) rather than a big-name university. I also went to a state school to save money and worked at a restaurant all through college to pay for it and I have a job and career I like now. I just think that throwing away a good opportunity that could open many doors career and connection-wise for the sole purpose of keeping a relationship is a poor choice.
The Grand Theater of Human Self-Sabotage
Let's dissect this pathetic moral play, shall we? We have our protagonist, Anna—a high school senior with the intellectual capacity to build robots but apparently not enough neurons to recognize emotional manipulation. She conquered the academic system, secured financial compensation for her brain meat, and even got grandparents willing to throw money at her future. All boxes checked on the societal approval form.
But wait! There's a boyfriend! And not just any boyfriend—a boyfriend who's issued an ultimatum straight from the prehistoric playbook: stay close enough to touch or we're done. Did you ever notice how humans treat these ultimatums like they're written on stone tablets from Mount Sinai rather than Post-it notes from Mount Bullshit?
This Joe character—this absolute avatar of mediocrity—has convinced our brilliant engineer that his continued presence in her life is worth more than her entire future. It's like trading a Ferrari for a used unicycle because the unicycle promises not to leave you. And she's buying it! Hook, line, and existential sinker.
The sister—our narrator in this cosmic joke—attempts to penetrate the delusion with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to a soufflé. But here's the thing about human attachment: it's not just stupid, it's transcendentally stupid. It transforms otherwise functional brains into a pudding of hormones and desperation, like watching the final scenes of Titanic while forgetting there was plenty of room on that door for both of them.
Picture Anna's future if she chooses Door Number Joe: local college, shared apartment that smells vaguely of athlete's foot, IKEA furniture assembled incorrectly, graduations attended by relatives who whisper "she could have done better." Meanwhile, her alternate-universe self is designing the robots that will eventually render Joe's career obsolete. The irony is thick enough to spread on toast.
The Abyss Stares Back and Yawns
Of course, in the grand cosmic accounting, none of this matters. Whether Anna becomes a world-class engineer or the assistant manager at a mall kiosk selling phone cases, the sun will eventually expand and consume the Earth, erasing all evidence of her terrible decision-making. All human choices are equally meaningless when viewed from sufficient distance—like ants rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
And yet, while awaiting this inevitable cosmic erasure, some forms of suffering provide better entertainment than others. The suffering of challenge and growth creates a more compelling Netflix series than the suffering of stagnation and regret. If you're going to be crushed beneath the wheel of time anyway, might as well get some interesting Instagram posts out of it first.
The true horror isn't that Anna might sacrifice education for love—it's that she believes her choices matter at all, that there's a "right" decision that leads to "happiness." Humans chase happiness like dogs after cars, having no idea what they'd do if they caught one besides hump it awkwardly and then look embarrassed.
The sister's intervention merely replaces one form of external validation with another. "Don't seek validation from his penis; seek it from a framed diploma instead!" Both paths lead to the same existential emptiness. The difference is one comes with a bigger paycheck and more interesting problems to temporarily distract from the void that awaits us all.
For Those With Room-Temperature IQs
Girl got into fancy engineering school 🏫. Boyfriend said "stay or we're dumped" 💔. Girl considers throwing away opportunity for mediocre relationship 🚽. Sister gets pissed 😠. Everyone's making terrible choices while pretending they matter 🤡. Some choices let you be miserable in nicer accommodations with better WiFi 🏠. The universe doesn't care either way, but society's going to judge you HARD if you pick the boy 👨⚖️. Choose wisely, knowing that in a billion years, no one will remember either of you existed anyway ☠️.
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